Crowdfundishr/Padres

r/Padres · fan campaign

Screw These Billionaires. Let's Buy the Padres Ourselves!

You know what the world needs less of? Billionaires owning everything.

You know what it needs more of? Weirdos on the internet owning everything.

You—yes you—now have the chance to own a piece of the Padres! But we need your help. We're collecting pledges of what people will pledge to pledge on a Kickstarter for the purchase of the Padres.

Scroll down to the pledge form and give us your lunch money, nerds!

Funding goal
$3,500,000,000
Community tally · USD
How it works
Honor-system pledge — no checkout

Time left to pledge

1d 1h 50m 26s

Closes at midnight Pacific · April 2, 2026

Story

Why we're doing this

The Padres are reportedly for sale. Instead of another yacht-class owner, we're building a case that the fans should get a shot—starting with a running total and a lot of extremely serious posts.

If we hit our goal, we will… look, we're not lawyers. We will definitely update the sidebar wiki with a very confident statement. We might even run a poll on whether the Friar should wear smaller shoes. The important thing is spirit—and this progress bar.

Rewards

Tiers

  • $25 — Digital high five

    Twenty-five dollars? How are you poor with fake money?

  • $100 — Name a seat (simulated)

    We will imagine your username on a seat. It cannot be enforced in this plane of reality.

  • $500 — GM for a day (simulated)

    You may suggest one lineup. The simulation will ignore it exactly like real life.

  • $5,000 — Hug from Padres legend Wil Myers

    One (1) sincere hug from Wil Myers, subject to scheduling, physics, and whether he remembers signing up for this.

  • $1,000,000,000 — Billionaire tier

    Reserved for actual billionaires only. If you’re not on a Forbes list, don’t even click it.

Stretch goals

What we unlock next

Unlock after we cross the base funding goal — then keep climbing.

  • WE OWN THE TEAM

    We clear the bar so it looks like the fans bankrolled the franchise. Cap table theater, a trust that sounds legit in a headline, and one laminated badge that says “Owner” for whoever posts the most in game threads.

    Unlocks at $3,500,000,000 raised

  • The great California burrito wall

    Every section at Petco gets a dedicated California burrito stand—guac ethics committee on retainer, foil-to-hand ratio optimized, and a gentle rule that you may not return to your seat until you’ve made at least one questionable hot-sauce decision.

    Unlocks at $4,000,000,000 raised

  • Project Cyborg Elbow (simulated)

    We invest heavily in extremely fictional bionic-arm R&D. Yu Darvish now throws an entirely unreasonable 110 mph in this timeline. MLB has questions. We have a PDF that says “fan engagement.”

    Unlocks at $4,500,000,000 raised

  • NLBest™ — jersey sponsor of destiny

    The NL West is dead; long live NLBest™—our new chest-patch energy drink / lifestyle brand / coping mechanism. Not affiliated with reality, nutrition, or anyone who understands trademarks.

    Unlocks at $5,000,000,000 raised

  • Trolley to third; Manny with a Stone IPA

    We extend the trolley so it drops you off directly at third base.. Manny Machado personally greets you with a Stone IPA—cold, confident, and technically not part of any CBA we’ve read.

    Unlocks at $5,500,000,000 raised

  • Rey Mysterio Jr. night… forever

    All players must wear Rey Mysterio Jr. masks for the full nine. Umpires pretend not to notice. Broadcast adds lucha commentary. The Friar finally feels seen.

    Unlocks at $6,000,000,000 raised

  • The $10B fork in the road

    We buy the Chargers and haul the bolts back to San Diego where they belong—or we buy the Dodgers and dissolve them. Dealer's choice. Obviously.

    Unlocks at $10,000,000,000 raised

FAQ

Questions

Is this Kickstarter?
It's a fan-built page with the same energy—not the Kickstarter platform. Nothing here charges a card; your pledge updates a shared counter.
Are you affiliated with MLB, the Padres, or Reddit?
No. Fan project only—not affiliated with Major League Baseball, the San Diego Padres, Reddit, or any team owner.
What happens to my pledge?
It increments a counter so your friends can see we're all in this together. That's it. Save your actual money for whatever you spend on real baseball.